Just Marta Things

Newly met person: Should have guessed you’re Polish. You have that cute little Polish nose!

Me: Oh… haha… right!

*gets insecure about nose forever *

Step 1. Receive expensive Scotch as a gift.

Step 2. Drink it over time.

Step 3. Keep the bottle.

Step 4. Buy cheap supermarket whiskey and pour it into the fancy bottle.

Step 5. Serve it at a friends’ gathering without saying a word.

Step 6. Sit back and enjoy your smug self as they all admire the flavor, praise the superb oak undertones or even a slight chocolate note, are delighted with its supposed smoothness and all agree that, although super expensive, it is worth its price.

Step 7 (optional). Giggle a little.

Ladies and gentlemen, my father.

One of the biggest disappointments of my life is probably still the moment of realization as a kid, that Vengaboys were singing about going to Ibiza, not “We’re going to eat pizza”.

15yo me: *avoids calls from parents as much as possible*

31yo me: Hiiiiiii! It’s me! Why am I calling? Yes, I know it’s 8am on a weekend. Omg, have you seen the funny pic I sent you? Mom, are you there? Mom?!

Work friend’s son is 2 years old.

– He has those little phases. Right now he’s really into body parts. Especially his penis. He’ll take off his clothes and be like “Here’s willy!”

– *understandingly* I know guys like that…